Payback PostEppie for Safe
by DJ Dubois
Summary: When House gets sent to a conference, Cuddy organizes a house cleaning. Now complete! Please r & r! HouseCuddy, CameronChase
1. Chapter 1

Payback (Post-Eppie for Safe)

David J. Duncan

May 2006

Notes: The characters from House belong to their copyright holders. Please send comments to T

Pairings: House/Cuddy, House + Wilson friendship, Wilson +Cuddy (friendship), Cameron/Chase

Summary: When House gets sent to a conference, Cuddy uncorks a massive cleaning of his apartment. (Takes place right after Safe.)

Chapter 1 Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital—the morning after "Safe"

Wilson rushed through the front doors of the hospital, anxiously seeking his office. Somehow he had overslept…_again_.

All because House had shut his alarm off….

_I have to move out. I really have to move out. _While he was grateful for a place to stay, he knew he couldn't keep dealing with this situation. While he and House were friends, Wilson couldn't stand the dorm-level living, pranks and frankly, the _gross _stuff going on. _He never does dishes, or laundry or takes out the garbage! _He peered down the hall and saw that the coast was clear. He tried to walk quickly.

Once he reached the door, it was still clear….

He put the key in the lock.

"Ahem," a dreaded voice called out.

He rolled his eyes, knowing that sound. He turned to find his boss, Dr. Lisa Cuddy, the Dean of Medicine, standing behind him. "Dr. Cuddy, good morning."

She glanced at her watch and then at him pointedly. "Wilson, you're late _again_."

"I know," he sighed, unlocking his door. "Mind if we talk in my office or can we go up to your suite?"

"In here's fine," she agreed rather tersely. Once the door was closed, she asked, "What's going on? This is the third time in the last two weeks it's happened."

He nodded, feeling like a kid in the principal's office. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just that my alarm clock keeps getting mysteriously shut off in the middle of the night."

She rolled her eyes, getting the picture. "I'll talk to him. Meantime, I won't write you up."

"No?" His eyes went wide with astonishment and then relief.

"No but I'll need two favors from you in return," she indicated.

"All right," he agreed warily.

"One, you do three extra clinic hours for me but none of them are House's."

"Okay."

"Two, you have the key to House's apartment, right?"

"That is how I get in there to sleep," he responded. "What are you thinking?"

She shrugged. "Remember when we were dealing with the whole TB situation with Manny? House broke into my house and did some rummaging around." She smirked wickedly.

"I'm not going to help you steal anything. He'll kill me," he disagreed, imagining all of the ways that his housemate could inflict agony on him.

She shook her head. "Not if his staff and I are involved too. Relax, James, I'm not talking about stealing anything. Well, maybe a pair of his boxers in exchange for the panties he took from my bedroom."

"Good luck getting in there though," he commented.

"Leave that to me. I have a plan," she assured him confidently. "Get those clinic hours done, all right? Have a good day."

_Cuddy has a plan. Why am I suddenly scared? _He scratched his head while checking over his first chart of the day.

House's office suite

Even as Wilson and Cuddy talked, Cameron and Chase had waited for their boss to return from a 'potty break'.

That had been an hour before.

Chase checked his watch for the fourth time. "Where did he go?"

Cameron frowned. "Who knows?" She opened their boss' desk drawer.

"Hey! You shouldn't be doing that. He'll kill you if he finds you in there."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Relax. It's not here. Just as I figured." She closed it again. "He's hiding and playing on the Game Boy again. Wish he'd grow up." She sighed, glancing through the folder. "We have the Nicholls case, no clue of what's going on and House decides it's time for his soap!"

"It's okay," he noted, smiling at her. "At least we're together, right?"

"Chase, you know what we agreed." She glanced through the glass door and front wall to make sure nobody was watching. "Not at work."

"I know." He rubbed her shoulder. "But I can say it's okay that you're here, right?"

She smiled back at him. "Sure." She kissed him quickly on the cheek. For the past two months, they'd been dating secretly so as not to cause complications at work. And especially to prevent giving House any more material for his gibe-file.

"Now as for the case," he noted, forcing himself back to the matter at hand. He uncapped a marker.

"Now you're getting daring," she teased.

He considered the marker and grinned. "Yeah. I guess I am. You're a bad influence."

She chuckled, letting her eyes sparkle at him. Then she opened the folder. "Okay. Symptoms….High fever, rash, dilated pupils, erratic heartbeat. What do you think?"

He shrugged. "Could be a thousand things. What do you think?"

She nodded. "We should do a full blood work up. Wish we could ask House for permission to do a LP."

"Yeah but we can still start with the blood tests," he pointed out.

"What did you need the LP for?" Cuddy asked while knocking at the door. "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but where's House?"

The two junior doctors looked at each other anxiously before Cameron answered, "Bathroom break at 9:05."

The Dean checked her watch and arched her brow. "Uh huh." She considered the whiteboard. "Meantime, I see you two have been carrying on with the case. If you don't mind me saying, yes, start that blood work immediately. And get the LP."

"But House needs to…." Cameron started to protest.

Cuddy looked pointedly at her. "I can also authorize a LP on a patient, Cameron. How high's that fever?"

He looked at the chart again. "102 according to this and that was at 9:00."

She took a deep breath. "Did somebody at least try to cool the patient down?" Seeing their looks, she shook her head. "All right. Do that. Oh by the way, I have a project for you two to help me with this weekend."

"Project?" they asked.

Cuddy smirked. "Ever been to House's apartment?"

They nodded, recalling the disorganized clutter.

"Why?" Cameron asked.

"I think we're going to do a good turn for House. Wilson, you two and I are going to even the score a bit. You'll see what I'm getting at this weekend. I'm sending him to a conference on diagnostic advancements in Seattle. That'll keep him far enough away for a couple of days," the administrator mentioned. "Now get Mr. Nicholls temperature down. Thanks. Not a word to House." With that, Cuddy left, heading for the elevator.

"What do you think she's up to?" he asked pensively.

Cameron shrugged. "Whatever it is, she'd best be careful. This is House she proposing to mess with."

Chapter 2


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Clinic—Fifteen minutes later

With the most important thing on his mind unfolding right before his eyes, House had sought refuge in a place where nobody would look for him: Clinic Room 6. He had discovered a back way into the clinic area several weeks before through the janitor's closet. Now he could deal with that situation without being disturbed…..

He winced while watching his mini-TV. "Oh come on! They did that _last week!_" As the credits rolled across the tiny screen, he frowned. "Nobody has any creativity anymore! Crappy networks can't write worth a damn." He turned off and stashed his illegal equipment under the exam table. Then he labored toward his passage back to insanity.

Despite his careful maneuvering, Cuddy knew exactly where he was. She also knew where the "secret entrance" was. As such, she waited right by the door for him to come out. _Any minute now._

He opened the door slowly and looked around. Thinking the coast was clear, he started into the hall.

"Nice trick, House," Cuddy complimented with a bit of glee in her voice.

He stiffened for a second at having been caught red handed. But only for a second. He wheeled around and considered her for a minute. "Slumming, Cuddy? I'd thought you'd be crunching those numbers like crazy. What with the budget deadline being only a day or so away."

She shrugged. "I'll deal with it. Meantime, we need to talk in my office." She led him to the elevator. After the doors closed, she continued, "Did you really think I didn't know about that side entrance?"

He gave her the 'duh' look. "You didn't! Big Sister bugged the cotton swabs!"

She rolled her eyes. "Actually it was the TV itself. We found that two days ago. Wish you'd show that kind of ingenuity for the Nicholls patient."

They got off of the elevator and headed for her office.

"I'm brainstorming," he replied.

"More like brain farting on company time." She closed the door and pointed to the chair.

"Ooh…you must be pissed. Where's the whip?" he cracked.

"No whip—that would be seen as abuse. Besides I don't want you resentful on our next date, do I?" she supposed. As with Cameron and Chase, she and House had shared a few secret romantic dinners in Philadelphia and Baltimore so as to remain under the radar. "And I could take your TV away for a whole _month _if I wanted to."

"Nuts. I knew I should have bought that DVR," he retorted.

She let her eyes sparkle at him. "But do two things for me and I'll overlook this morning."

He stared incredulously at her.

"Is there a problem?"

He tossed the blank look at her. "Same hair, same low neckline, same cleavage. You're Cuddy but this is weird."

"What's so weird about me asking you for things? I was still your boss last time I checked."

He sighed overdramatically. "Sure. Bring _that _into it."

"Okay. First, please stop sabotaging Wilson's alarm clock. I've managed to keep him from a write up so far for being late but I can't keep giving him breaks. You know, he's working extra clinic hours because of you?" she directed.

"Like I'm supposed to care? I'm trying to make a man out of that boy," he indicated.

"And I could make a man out of you by making you clean out bedpans while he's doing it. Not so much fun now, is it?" she pointed out, making sure he got the point. "Don't make me bitchy, House. I'm really don't want to go there."

He rolled his eyes, recognizing the obvious blackmail ploy. "Oh all right! I'll lay off. Last thing I want is another cane sawed in half."

She stifled a laugh, recalling how he had fallen in the hallway the night before. "You know what they say. Payback's hell." She opened her desk drawer and produced an envelope.

"Oh what's that?" he asked with mock-anticipation. "Your payback?"

She arched her eyebrow purposefully. "It's actually a treat for you, House. Remember that "Innovations in Diagnostics" conference you asked me about last month? You're going." She handed him the envelope.

He opened it and fished around. Sure enough, the program, an e-ticket itinerary and hotel reservation number were in there. There was also a small envelope in there too. "Now what?" He took out the envelope. "Need I ask?"

She shrugged. "Open it and find out."

He did so to find a concert ticket for the Smashers inside. "How did you…?"

"I know some people and made some calls," she replied. "I want you to have a productive weekend."

"Are you saying that as my boss?" he supposed.

"Boss _and _girlfriend," she noted. "Just promise you'll lay off of Wilson, okay? Now go deal with Mr. Nicholls." She kissed him. "Okay?"

"Yeah sure," he conceded, limping with the envelope in tow.

She smiled. _At least I'm making sure he'll have fun. I can't wait for the weekend!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Friday—4:30 PM

House's apartment

House finished packing his clothes and shut the suitcase. While he knew this was a great break to be going to Seattle for the weekend, he wondered how Cuddy had come up with the funds for this trip. _Something's really strange about this. _He crinkled his brow while zipping his garment bag shut.

He labored with the garment bag into the living room. There he found Wilson watching a documentary on TV. "Hey. Mind if I cut in for a second?"

Wilson shrugged. "What's going on?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're set for the weekend," House replied.

"I am an adult, House. I just make sure the place doesn't burn down. And I'll feed Steve too."

"Great. Thanks, Wilson." He squirmed, knowing that Cuddy wanted him to apologize but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "Just try to relax, all right?"

That comment made Wilson turn around and consider the other doctor. "Sure. Thanks, House. Try to have fun too."

_With the conference and the concert, I'll definitely do that! _Then he thought about Cuddy. _Why does the budget have to be due next week? _"Oh I'll do that." Hearing a knock at the door, he shrugged. "See you on Monday night."

Wilson listened for the cane clunking to fade down the staircase. Then he looked out the window to see Cuddy's Lexus driving off toward the interstate. "So it begins." In spite of himself, he rubbed his hands together, feeling a weird sense of power at what was about to happen. "You won't know what hit this place, House. I guarantee it."

Security Checkpoint, Philadelphia Airport—an hour later

After getting House's garment bag checked through, he and Cuddy walked over to the security gate.

"Try not to torture too many innocent residents this weekend, Cuddy," he gibed with a smirk.

"Don't worry about me. I'll find something to do." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Go and have fun."

"Oh yeah…all of those boring lectures." He made a motion with his right fingers and thumb like a jaw and rolled his eyes.

She blushed. "House, stop it! People are watching."

"I do have a rep, you know."

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Don't I know it? You'd better get going, Greg."

"Wish you were coming, Lisa," he admitted before they kissed.

"We'll do it some other time. I promise," she vowed. For a second, she almost regretted her plan. Then she remembered why this whole deception was happening. _He needs to understand this. _

He nodded and then headed for the metal detector.

When he had cleared the device and disappeared around a bend, she sighed. "It'd be nice but duty calls." With that, she headed for the parking garage and her larger purpose…..

Cuddy's Office—6:00 PM

After filling Foreman with the details, Chase and Cameron met Wilson in front of Cuddy's office.

"Where is she?" she wondered impatiently.

"Traffic's murder," Wilson supposed while checking a chart. After House's departure, he had hurried back to the hospital to be there for the plotting. Hearing his cell phone, he answered, "James Wilson."

"Wilson, this is Cuddy. I'm getting on the elevator now. Be right there. Are Cameron and Chase there?" she asked.

"We're all here waiting for you. See you in a few minutes," he told her before hanging up. "That was Cuddy. She'll be right up."

"Guess it took longer to get House on that plane than usual, huh?" Chase supposed.

She nodded, folding her arms across her chest. "He had that look yesterday and today. He knows something's up."

"Hey, he's on the plane. We have the place to ourselves," Wilson assured them.

"Sorry. The expressway was murder," Cuddy apologized while letting them into her office.

"He did get on the plane, right?" Wilson asked.

The administrator nodded. "I made sure he did and ordered him to forget about here for a few days at least." She sank into her chair's soft leather cushions. "He's got a full schedule. Now as for our schedule, Wilson, have you done anything in there?"

"Not yet. I wanted to see what you're planning first," the oncologist noted.

"All right. I propose we do some cleaning, straightening and organizing this weekend," Cuddy told them.

"This is House's apartment we're talking about," Cameron pointed out. "Would a weekend be enough time?"

"We can do it," Cuddy indicated firmly. "By the way, I have you all covered for Monday. You'll go right there and finish up what we haven't done."

"And you?" Cameron doubted.

"I'll be there as soon as I hand in the budget to the accountants," their boss assured them. She pulled out the list. "We'll need to do something with the rat though."

Wilson shook his head. "Don't go there. He'll be pissed enough when he sees the place. Touch Steve and we'll be dealing with full House if you get my meaning."

"Leave him in the cage," Chase suggested. "We'll start on the laundry tonight."

"Meantime, Wilson and I can work around the apartment. Okay, let's get something to eat and then we can start in," Cuddy decided before standing and leading the mini-army out.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for the feedback! In response to the concerns—no, nothing's going to happen to Steve. Meantime, Cuddy's scheme continues to unfold…..

Chapter 4

Two hours later—Cameron's apartment

After they had commandeered the laundry room downstairs, Cameron and Chase sat on her couch, wondering how this scheme was going to work out.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised but I never thought we'd be doing House's laundry for him," he theorized.

She frowned, knowing full well that she didn't want to give House any more grist for the 'wait on me' routine. "It's all part of Cuddy's master plan. Chase, we're going to be okay."

"You sure?" he asked, anticipating House's wrath upon his return.

"Stop worrying, will you?" She got up and walked over to the refrigerator. There she took out and poured two glasses of wine. "It's going to be okay."

"If you say so," he relented. "At least you're in it with me."

"All the way. House has it coming to him," she indicated while rubbing his shoulder.

He leaned over and kissed her. "Thanks, Allison."

"You're welcome, Robert," she agreed, following his lead and snuggling closer to him. "Wish we could stay like this but…."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah we need to get back to House's place. Can you get the stuff out of the dryers and we can bring it over there?"

"Sounds great." She finished her wine and then headed out the door, letting him see the sparkling in her eyes.

_This might work out after all….._

House's Apartment

Even as Chase and Cameron cleaned House's laundry, Wilson and Cuddy had finished toiling in the bathroom and kitchen respectively. They had washed, scrubbed and wiped down every surface in their areas.

To a neat freak like Cuddy, the mess made her skin crawl. "How can anyone live like this?"

"Welcome to my neighborhood," he called back from the bathroom. He tossed the toilet brush in a garbage bag. "That's done and added a deodorizer in the tank for good measure."

She shook her head. "We could have found you some other place."

He shrugged. "It's not really _that _bad once you adjust to it. I just wish House would do some of the chores too."

"This is House we're talking about—the man with a rat in his house," she assessed.

He sighed, "Steve's actually pretty quiet and he grows on you." He walked over to the kitchen and produced some food. "Watch. Try not to be scared."

"Me? Scared of him? Perish the thought," she retorted.

He arched a brow. "Actually he's better behaved than House is. Give Steve that." He opened the cage and poured the food into the dish.

"True," she conceded. "He is cute. Does he bite?"

"Not that I know of," Wilson pointed out, lifting Steve out of his cage. "House did give him his shots. Rub the top of his head between his ears. He likes that."

She hesitantly touched Steve's head and was surprised to find that it was soft and smooth, not shaggy as she might have expected. Within a minute, she was running her fingertips gently along Steve's head, neck and back.

The "mascot" returned the gesture by rubbing up against her hand and squeaking a couple of times.

"Wow," she expressed in surprise. "Does he mind being picked up?"

"House does it."

She nodded and gently grasped her new friend's sides. "I'm not going to hurt you. Relax." She picked up Steve and held him up so that they were looking eye to eye for a second. Then she supported him also as if she were holding a baby. "You're right, Wilson. I wish House would be like this."

"Then it wouldn't be as much fun now would it?" he asked knowingly.

"Oh yeah. Like the write ups and lectures are fun." She snorted and looked at Wilson incredulously. "Give me a break."

"You love the games and you know it. But that's between us," Wilson retorted. "By the way, how did you get those Smashers tickets?"

"As I told House, I made a few phone calls," she replied. "I do know some people in Seattle."

"I'm sure…and the concert?"

"Oh that was to make sure he wouldn't try to sneak back here early," she explained, giving him a very devious grin.

_Note to self—never get her truly mad at you. _Wilson took Steve from her and placed him back in the cage. "That's one way of doing it."

"You mean the _only _way," she clarified. "He'd find some way back here."

"He still could," he pointed out.

"Only if he wants to forfeit the registration fee and those tickets. Not a chance," she declared before looking around. "I can't imagine what's in the refrigerator other than your things of course."

"He sponges off of me mostly. I cleared my stuff out this morning," he noted while opening the door.

She wrinkled her nose at a few of the containers left in the back. "Ugh! What is he doing?"

"I think he calls it a biology experiment," Wilson supposed.

"More like he's too lazy to clean it," she corrected while taking out an old container of cottage cheese and a milk container. "This is past throwing out. I'd burn it except I'd be afraid of nuclear fallout."

He chuckled. "Yeah I think the CDC would quarantine this if they knew about it."

"And Homeland Security too," she groused while handling some old veggies out of the crisper tray. "I really need to talk to him about this."

He silently noted the comment and continued on. For the past few months, he had suspected that something was going on between House and Cuddy. Her whole demeanor clearly gave him clues that indeed a relationship was going on.

When the Killing Zone had been cleared, she grabbed a bottle of spray cleaner and some paper towels. "Time to really clean this thing." After removing the trays, she started spraying and wiping down the inside of the appliance. Then she did the same for the drawers at the bottom. "There!"

"There is the freezer," he reminded her while washing one of the wire trays in the sink.

She stared with dread at the top compartment, wondering what lurked in the frozen tundra within. "Wilson, trade places."

"We aren't working right now. It's your plan," he declined. _And you are his girlfriend._

"Do it and I'll forget about those extra clinic hours," she offered in desperation.

"The clinic hours are far better than what's in there," he pointed out.

"Fine." She put on a pair of rubber gloves and opened the freezer. "If I die, you get the paperwork." She closed her eyes and opened the door really quickly. She pulled out a couple of ice cream pints with Wilson's name on them as well as a frozen dinner. "Put those in the cooler." Then, as with the section below, she found some wrapped things to the back. "Those are his, I take it?"

"They are. The meat's lived there as long as I've been here." He put the ice cream and frozen dinner in the cooler.

She looked at him incredulously. "He buys meat and doesn't eat it?" She rolled her eyes. "That would mean he'd actually have to cook it. Terrific. At least it's frozen." She pulled a frozen dinner out with an expired date on it and tossed it. Then she grabbed onto one really smelly package. "Fish. Judging from the scent, it's probably ready to head back upstream to spawn." She threw that out as well. Then she frowned. "We'll get some baking soda or something for the aroma."

After setting the meat in the cooler as well, he agreed, "We'll have to let that thaw overnight. Then we can wipe that part down."

"Right," she agreed already sizing up either Cameron or Chase for that job. "Maybe we can vac the floor next?"

"I was thinking of your new organization plan. Just straightening everything would give House a heart attack in itself," he pointed out.

She nodded, smiling to herself. "True but I'm going to go one step further than that." She gave him the knowing glance. "There's another level to my plan, Wilson."

That insight terrified him. _Trapped between Cuddy's inventiveness and House's retribution isn't going to be a great place to be. _

"Where's your sense of adventure, James?" she asked. "It's not like we're throwing anything out. Come on." She walked into the bedroom and sighed at the mess there too. "Just as I imagined. Okay, where are you?"

"Where's what?" he asked. "Cuddy, don't! Are you doing what I think you're doing?"

"He went through my things. All's fair, right?" She dug through House's underwear drawer and found a pair of his favorite boxers. "Yeah, these will do." She shut the drawer. "Now where would he have kept those things?"

"What things? Cuddy!"

She looked under the bed and then peered under the fitted sheet on the mattress. "I thought so." She fished around under there and produced her red thong and bra. "Figures."

"Those are yours?" he inquired knowingly.

"Yes, remember when we were dealing with my handyman's TB case? House turned his investigation into a panty raid. He confiscated these from my bedroom." She arched her brow sarcastically. "Boys and their toys, right? Come on; we'll deal with this room later. I want to finish out front."

_He actually slept with her underwear under the sheet? _Wilson scratched his head, wondering what they were going to find next.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Now the Muse is in full throttle….She wanted to get House's situation on the road out so here that comes! Thanks again for the feedback, everyone!

Chapter 5 Next morning—Bank of America Center, Seattle, WA

Even as the mayhem happened back on the East Coast, House limped through the convention center, trying not to gag over all of the pretentiousness hanging in the air like a stagnant cloud. He had hit a few of the booths in the vendors' exhibit, knowing that Cuddy would want the latest catalogs and tips on demos. _ I hope that NMR session is as good as advertised. _

"Greg? Greg House?" an older voice asked.

He wheeled around to find an older Asian man approaching him. He frowned. _Michael Chang. Great._ "Hey, Mike. Been a while."

"It's Michael actually," the other reminded him with an edge to his voice. "How's Princeton?"

"Not bad. Same type of place, same type of crap. The boss is okay and my staff gets the job done," House replied at least semi-appreciatively. "Find anyone to replace me yet?"

The other man chuckled sarcastically. "We've had some financial snags so we're doing without your position."

_Translation: they had enough of me so they took me and the department out. Wimps. _"Too bad, I read in the _Chronicle _where Chicago taking a hit in terms of law suits. Too bad you don't look beneath the surface," House insinuated, clearly looking to get under the other's skin.

"We're doing well enough." The other's face crinkled. "One wonders how Cuddy hasn't fired you yet. We heard about Vogler's charges."

"Leave her out of this. I do my job despite what Ed or you thought. She appreciates creativity and insight unlike some people, _Mike_," House retorted. "See you later." With that, he limped off toward the next session.

"How that man is still allowed to practice is beyond me!" Chang shook his head while heading for the exit.

That night

After a surprisingly good session and discussion over imaging applications, House went back to his hotel and ditched the formal stuff for his usual t-shirt, jeans and button down blue shirt. _Play time! _Fortunately for him, the Yankees were playing the hometown Mariners and he had great seats just above the boxes. Before he departed, he called Cuddy's office and left the required check in message. "Best not to get her thong in a twist," he groused to himself after hanging up. "Okay! Let's go."

Safeco Field—an hour later

Having purchased the requisite bratwurst and beer, House settled into his seat to enjoy the game. "This is the ticket." He took a deep breath, taking in the atmosphere surrounding the ballpark. Granted it wasn't Yankee Stadium but anywhere that the stuffed shirts weren't was a palace as far as he was concerned. "Let them have their opera." He bit into his brat, enjoying the simplicity of the event happening around him. For once, he didn't mind kids being there with their parents because they were all enjoying themselves.

That thought made him think of Cuddy. He'd been trying to get her to go to a game with him but she wasn't much for sports. _She really needs to loosen up. Then again, Cuddy is always uptight. _He rolled his eyes. _Good luck on that one. At least, she's picking up the tab for this. _Then he mused on that thought. For the entire flight up there and the sessions at the convention center, he felt some suspicion…some twinge…

Something was going on.

He shook his head, dismissing the thought. _Enjoy the game, House. Princeton can make it without you this once._

Another bite of meat and a gulp of beer took care of that concern—at least for the present….

Later

After booting two balls, the Yankees lost to the home team 6-4. Still, it had been a decent release for House.

_I could have played better defense on my one leg. _He grimaced as the pain shot up through his right leg. _Figures. _He produced his vial and dry swallowed three Vicodin pills. As he headed for the bus back to the hotel, he considered calling Wilson but decided against it. _He'll go running to Cuddy and she'll get all bitchy again. Nah, it isn't worth it! Besides, I need to get some sleep so I can deal with the morons again tomorrow!_

At least, the ballpark made it a tolerable day…..


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Sunday

House's Apartment

Even as House continued his concurrent bouts with monotony and entertainment, the cleaning crew continued to turn his apartment upside down. Saturday evening brought the last of the real cleaning with the disinfection of the freezer, sweeping the wooden floors and vaccing the rest of it.

Cameron and Chase even washed the windows, making sure that they were spotless before they left to change for their shift that evening.

All in all, things were coming together rather well……

4:00 PM

Cuddy collapsed onto the couch, feeling safe that it had been sufficiently cleaned for it to be safe for human contact. "I don't know what's worse. The fact he did that to you or that you fell for it."

Wilson grimaced, feeling very embarrassed by the whole ordeal. "I was asleep at the time." He handed her a cup of tea and admired what they had done. "This place looks respectable. Guess it needed the right touch."

"Yeah well, wait until he sees it," she remarked dryly while sipping from her cup. "Especially after we're done implementing my organization system."

"I still think this is a bad idea," he disagreed. "By the way, I did find another roommate. The person called me at the hospital yesterday."

"That's great timing. You should move out before he gets here tomorrow," she advised.

"Just remember, it was _your_ idea," he reminded her. "The sheets though are a little much."

She grinned. "Just signing my work." She looked around. "I just want to do one more thing." She patted the box.

"What's that?" he wondered while peering inside. "Cuddy, you know he won't wear that!"

"We'll see," she supposed; a big grin spreading across her face.

"He'll still have the bag from the airport."

"Maybe. It still has to get back here." She giggled.

"Lisa, come on!"

She frowned. "Besides I'm swapping things out so it isn't stealing. Come on. We'll actually be done tonight. Who would've thought?"

He winced, knowing that she might be stepping over the line with the box. _Actually we could be done tomorrow night. I'd better pack quickly. I hope he's in a good mood after the concert!_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Now we get to the cloak & dagger stuff….get ready. smirk 

Monday night—Philadelphia Airport

House labored off the plane in good spirits. The last two days of the conference had featured several insightful lectures (including an impromptu one by him requested by the session organizers).

The Smashers concert had exceeded all of his expectations.

Yeah, all seemed right with the world….

_Maybe work might be tolerable this week. _At the thought of seeing his boss/girlfriend again, he smiled. As much as he wouldn't admit it to another soul on Earth, he had missed her.

The PA announced, "Attention! The baggage from Flight 345 is coming up on Carrousel 3."

"The bag will wait for dinner," he figured, heading for a local cheese steak bistro down the hall from himself.

Baggage Carrousel 3

Even as House went to the restroom and then dinner, Foreman blended in with the crowd heading for the baggage claim. Recalling the flight number that Cuddy had given him, he stood at Carrousel 3 and watched the bags coming around the belt.

As the black garment bag with the red stripe on its handle came around, he grabbed it, making sure that it was House's. Then he left quickly for the parking garage and the drive back to Princeton. _As much as he has it coming to him, I agree with Wilson. This is pushing it. I hope she knows what she's doing._

He didn't want to be within the city limits when House found out that his bag was missing.

Waiting Area by Security—Ten minutes later

Cuddy checked her watch, wondering what could be keeping House. According to the airline's web site, his flight had landed over twenty minutes before. _What could be keeping him? _She rolled her eyes. For her plan to work, she had needed time but not _that much_.

Then she saw him limping into view and waved to him. _He looks happy at least. _"You look like you enjoyed yourself. Please tell me you stayed out of trouble."

He kissed her. "For the most part. I ran into Michael Chang."

She grimaced, recalling that name. "I'm sure he was thrilled to see you."

"He made some comment about how I shouldn't be allowed to practice and wondered what your deal was that you hadn't fired me yet," he recalled.

"Some times I wonder about that myself," she teased half-seriously.

He gave her a half hearted tap with the cane. "Hey. No threats now. Let me at least get back to Princeton before you start up again."

"Fair enough," she agreed as they headed down to the Baggage Carrousel to find that it was empty. "Where is it?"

He rolled his eyes. "The damn baggage cops. You leave it too long and they have a cow."

Seeing him starting to get antsy, she squeezed his hand. "Let's check with the airline, all right? Come on."

They headed over to the airline counter where a slender blonde woman with a red ascot watched them approach.

"Can I help you?" the counter person asked in a friendly manner.

He saw her give the 'keep cool, please?' look. He exhaled and asked, "Hi, I'm Dr. Greg House. I just came in on Flight 345. I had checked a bag on the flight but it isn't there on the belt."

The salesperson typed a few keys on the computer. "Gregory House. You did have one bag. It should be here. We did have a few bags go unclaimed. Just a minute." She walked through the back door and fished around in there.

"Great. The whole world's looking through my bag," he groused.

"Calm down. I'm sure everything's okay," she assured him—since of course she knew where his bag was.

The airline employee came back out. "Dr. House, I'm sorry. We don't have your bag and security hasn't seen it either. Somebody probably picked it up by accident."

He rolled his eyes and frowned. "Damn! My notes were in there!"

"It's okay, House. At least you're here in one piece," Cuddy assured him while trying to calm him down. She turned to the representative and handed her a business card. "Can you call there when it turns up please?"

"Certainly, Dr. Cuddy. So sorry about this, Dr. House. We'll have the bag sent to you as soon as we find it," she apologized.

Before he could say anything more, Cuddy grabbed his arm and guided him down the escalator to the parking garage. "You take traveling light to a whole new level, House."

"Yok it up. I had some pretty neat souvenirs in there including something for you," he pointed out gruffly.

"Why didn't you get down there sooner?" she queried pointedly.

"Nature called twice," he informed her almost nonchalantly. "She rings, I listen."

She stared at him incredulously. "Too bad you didn't listen for the announcement instead. Come on, I'll buy you something decent. That cheese steak isn't going to hold you until morning."

"All right," he surrendered, knowing she had a point. "Thanks for being here with me."

"My pleasure," she agreed before they drove off towards the freeway.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 Outside of House's Apartment—9:00 PM

Cuddy pulled up outside of the apartment and looked over at him earnestly. "There you go. Are you going to be okay?"

He yawned. "Yeah. You've still got that budget to finish. I want to sleep. See you tomorrow." He kissed her. "Thanks again for everything you did this weekend." With that, he got out and let himself into the building.

"You have no idea, House," she declared snarkily before driving away. She knew a good night's sleep was in order especially when he reacted to the Big Surprise.

Next Morning

Since he had stumbled in the door and hadn't bothered to turn on a light or anything, House slept soundly, still not having any idea of what was going on.

"Yeah, yeah…" He muttered, groggily forcing himself out of the bed and toward the living room. "Shut up!" He whacked the offending item into submissive silence.

As he did so, the world came back into focus.

And in the early morning light, he beheld his apartment.

"WHAT THE HELL?" he exclaimed. "No! No! NO!" He limped as fast as he could throughout the place in total disbelief at the state of affairs.

The whole place was clean and organized. Towels folded. Toothbrushes in place. Dishes done.

He rummaged through the cabinets, taking a good several minutes to find things. "Wilson, I'm going to kill you." Managing to find the coffee, he measured out the grinds and poured water into the coffee maker. Then he started it. "Steve." He looked toward the corner.

His companion ran in place on his wheel, seeming perfectly content. At least there were food and water in there.

"Great." He limped back to the bedroom. What he saw there made his skin crawl.

His comforter had been replaced by a frilly white one with heart patterns on it. Worse, the sheets and pillow shams were pink. He grimaced, thinking he had actually slept there. "That's it. I'll shower at work. I'm getting out of here!" He pulled the closet door open and stared in complete shock. "Oh for the love of Pete!" He grabbed for his vial and downed five pills before he faced what was hanging in wait for him there. Then he glared at the lab coats and Oxford dress shirts in front of him.

"Crap! Where are my clothes?" he groused, grabbing and flinging the coats aside in an effort to find his stuff…but it was gone.

His eyes narrowed. Despite the Vicodin, his leg throbbed. Bad enough he lost his bag…but now he felt violated.

Somebody was going to pay for this….You could bank on that.

He grabbed his cane and toiled angrily into the kitchen.

First coffee then blood letting…..


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 An hour later

Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital

House parked his motorcycle in its usual place and secured it. Fortunately for him, the streets between the apartment and there had been relatively quiet. He grabbed his cane and backpack and limped through the lobby.

During his progress, the other doctors stared incredulously at his appearance.

Harry, the elderly security guard, came over. "Morning, Dr. House. You look really nice…"

"Stuff it!" House growled. Bad enough, he was dressed like Wilson or Foreman but he didn't need anyone reminding him of that fact. He entered the elevator.

After the doors closed, Harry shook his head, not understanding why House had reacted that way. "All I said was that he looked nice. Weird."

House's Office

Even as Hell's fury bore down on them, Foreman, Cameron and Chase prepared for the worst.

"He got back last night, I take it?" Chase asked.

"Yeah, he got back all right," Foreman agreed. "I picked his stuff up last night. Don't say anything to House."

"You what?" she wondered incredulously. "He's going to be a real bastard all day. Remember the last time he lost his bag?"

"We hid in the Clinic for three days actually," Chase recalled tersely. Then he asked their colleague pointedly, "What possessed you to do that?"

"Orders from above," Foreman noted.

Cameron and Chase exchanged knowing looks. "Cuddy's plan."

Just then they heard the door slam open. They turned and stared in disbelief at the sight in front of them.

House labored into the room in a pair of beige slacks, a powder blue button down shirt and more amazingly—he was wearing a lab coat. "Not a word! Not one god damn word!" He collapsed in his chair, pouting from the whole ordeal of having to walk through the lobby like that. "I don't suppose any of you know about this or what happened at my apartment, do you?"

The Ducklings shook their heads, trying to cover their tracks.

"Right." His cold steel orbs burned into each of theirs with fiery fury. "If I find out you did, I'll can your sorry asses! We don't have any really pressing cases?"

"Nothing that can't wait for an hour or two," Cameron supposed. "What's going on?"

"Somebody trashed my apartment and took my clothes!" House spat. "Wait until I find Wilson!" He growled at the trio. "Beat it. I want to be alone!"

Knowing better than to try and survive the storm at that point, the others hit the road, figuring that extra rounds or clinic time was better than dealing with their boss at that point.

House fumed. He couldn't believe it. He left town for a weekend. _One stinking weekend! _"Can't even turn my back for three stupid days." He bounced his ball off of the wall several times, trying to alleviate his fury—how violated he felt at that moment.

"I'm going to get to the bottom of this," he growled, getting up and limping toward the elevator.

A/N: Now the climax….or when Irresistible Force meets Immovable Object

Cuddy's Office

Meantime, Cuddy hung up the phone and rubbed her temples, trying to deal with the headache. She had expected a reaction but nothing as volcanic as House's explosion. _Terrific. I figured he'd call in sick or sulk with his soaps. No such luck. Fortunately, the budget's been turned in. _She saw Wilson at the door with a concerned look on his face. "Come in and shut the door."

"You know he wants to kill me," he told her. "I'm the only one with a key to his apartment, Cuddy."

"I know." She frowned. "Just stay here. I won't let him touch you."

"All things considered, that's really kind of you," he sighed. Then, in spite of himself, he chuckled, "I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he woke up this morning."

"I'm glad I wasn't there." She frowned, almost feeling the disturbance in the overall aura of her suite. "But he needs to learn this lesson."

Less than a minute later, House stormed in. "There you are!"

She stood in between them, calmly taking the full brunt of his fury. "Wilson, stay right there." She folded her arms across her chest. "Are you finished yet?"

"Hell no!" House fumed. "You'd be angry too if somebody went through your things and…." He glared at them. "Wait a minute. You did this!"

She quirked an eyebrow at him almost as if she were dealing with a taciturn child. "Not so much fun when the shoe's on the other foot, is it?" She opened her drawer and held up her recovered lingerie. "Looking for these?"

"You set me up!"

Wilson took a deep breath and interjected, "I believe you wanted to make a man out of me. Congratulations, Dr. Frankenstein, you did it." He took the key off of his ring and set it firmly on the table next to his friend. "Now you know what it feels like to have your stuff rifled through. Think on that. If you'll excuse me, I have patients to deal with." He rolled his eyes and hustled from the room, feeling glad to be out of there.

She watched the door close and then returned her gaze to House. "For what it's worth, it wasn't his idea originally. It was mine."

"So you sent me to Seattle to get me out of the way?" he accused.

"Oh for the love of….!" She looked to the ceiling as if imploring divine intervention and then added, "No, House. I really wanted you to have a good time and enjoy the conference. I admit that the concert ticket was to keep you there over Sunday night." She went over to her closet and unlocked it. "As for your things…." She hauled the large box and the unopened garment bag. "Your clothes are right here."

"You know what you put me through?"

She snickered sarcastically at him. "Oh so you dress like a _normal _doctor for one morning and you're put out? House, didn't you hear what Wilson just said to you? What I said a minute ago? You have no respect for other people's property, all right? How do you think I felt when you invaded my home during that whole deal with Manny and start rummaging through my underwear? How do you think Wilson feels when he has to label things and that still doesn't stop you?" She reached back into the drawer, pulled out the boxers and tossed them to him. "I was going to stash those for a while and see if you would notice. But it isn't worth it." She shook her head and looked at him despondently. "I love you, Greg, but I can't respect you if you keep acting like this."

He put his hand up; not wanting to see her start crying over this. "Just tell me who fed Steve?"

"Wilson and I both did. I actually held him," she revealed.

He looked at her dumbly. "You held Steve McQueen? I figured you'd be the last person to do that."

She shrugged. "I didn't want to at first but he's really cute once you see him up close. You've done a great job with him."

"It works both ways. He respects me and I respect him," he replied.

"And it works well, doesn't it?" she supposed. "Why can't you do that for Wilson and me?"

"I figured it's okay." He looked at her apologetically. "Guess not."

"No, it isn't." She breathed a sigh of relief. "And by the way, I was the one who found the underwear."

"Great. Now everyone knows."

"Just Wilson and me. We're not telling," she assured him. She leaned close to his ear and whispered, "If you want to sleep with me, just ask next time. All right?"

"Fine," he muttered, conceding that point as well. "I never meant to hurt you."

Her eyes watered before she could wipe them dry. "I know. Just try to be more careful of our feelings, all right?" She smiled and squeezed his hand. "And hearing you say what you said means the world to me. I want you to know I'm sorry that we had to make you feel that way. It hurt us too, you know."

"Yeah right," he jabbed her. "You enjoyed it and you know it."

She blushed. "All right, so I did. You're a bad influence." She smoothed his lab coat. "Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look when you dressed like that, House?"

"No but you're telling me now."

She let her eyes sparkle at him. "Absolutely."

He frowned as he considered the woman in front of him. Every fiber of his being wanted to take her right there. But he needed to get the crap over with first. "Hate to bust the bubble but we can't let Wilson fume all day. I need to get this over with. Can…we pick this up later?"

She nodded. "Sure. Thanks, House." She watched him leave the office and shook her head. _How did I do that? Some times I amaze myself. _She drank some coffee and pondered the thought. _It's true. Love is the most powerful force in the universe._

Roof

Wilson stood at the roof's edge, looking out over the university skyline. Before coming there, he had spoken to his ex-patient/new roommate about things. _She thought we did the right thing but did we? _He certainly understood how House felt.

House opened the door. "There you are. Been looking for you."

Wilson sighed, "House, I'm not in the mood to argue."

The diagnostician shook his head. "Don't get all defensive on me, Wilson. And thanks for being man enough to help kick my ass and get my head on straight."

The oncologist somehow managed to keep his facial expression neutral. "That's what friends are for, House. Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it…and you're right, let's not get defensive." He put his right hand out. "Start over?"

"Sure…as long as you keep Cuddy's bedroom discovery to yourself," House agreed.

"Of course. So you and Cuddy, huh?" Wilson asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. She's grown on me," House admitted.

"And the underwear? House, you know, a grown man doesn't do stuff like that," Wilson pointed out.

House looked pointedly at him. "Don't start lecturing me. I just got enough from Cuddy."

"So did you two break up?"

House shrugged and then smirked. "Actually, the reverse."

Wilson stared incredulously at him. "You apologized?"

"Don't rub it in."

"No, no, I won't. House, that's great. My lips are sealed. Let's go and get a coffee. My treat," Wilson agreed while holding the door for his friend.


	10. Conclusion

Conclusion Two weekends later

Reardon Lodge, Lake Champlain—on the New York side

Once again, Cuddy's travel instincts paid off for all concerned. Rather than sending people on business trips, she arranged for a weekend get away for her and House. As a reward for their assistance, she encouraged Cameron and Chase to come along (provided they gave the other couple space and kicked in some of the costs of course).

With the clear skies, cool lake breezes and twinkling stars, it was quite the scene all things considered….

Camp Site by the lake

Chase stuck a marshmallow on a stick and held it over the fire, watching it brown to a crisp. He stole a glance at his girlfriend before returning to the task at hand. "Looks good." He handed the stick and treat to her. "There you go."

"Thank you," Cameron accepted while taking a bite. "I forgot how great camping was. Wish that House and Cuddy would have come along with us."

He snickered. "I can't see House out here. He'd complain about _everything_."

"Maybe not everything." She looked at the stars. "I guess we should make a wish?"

He nodded and looked up at the sky. Then he took a moment of silence before squeezing her hand. "I just did."

She grinned. "Me too. Guess I should take that other wish back now?"

"Guess so," he indicated before they kissed passionately. When they came up for air, he proposed, "The tent?"

"Unless you want a ranger finding us, yeah, I think so, Chase," she retorted, grinning at him. She ran her hands through his hair. "Thanks for asking me to come up here."

"You're welcome," he agreed while walking with her toward their tent.

Lodge

Cuddy brushed her hair, looking in the mirror. She had waited so long to be with House…dealing with the Stacy mess, cleaning up the messes, etc. She smiled, feeling almost shy. _Cut it out. It's not like it's the first time. _

She recalled how after he had talked to Wilson, he had returned to her office.

After that, she had sent her receptionist on a long lunch so that they might talk further.

Instead, he rummaged through the garment bag and produced a diamond ring before proposing to her.

Taken completely by surprise, she accepted, allowing him to put the ring on her hand.

Then they made love for the first time on her couch….

His entering the room brought her out of it. "How was your walk?"

"You sure know how to pick the spot, Cuddy," he complimented while entering the room and seeing her in the robe.

"I figured you'd want to fish and relax, House. I remember you liked that stuff in Michigan," she recalled.

"And you liked it too as I remember. Queen of the Lake." He looked at her with the blank look. "Kicked just about every guy's ass in the derby except for me."

"You pushed me in," she teased.

"Don't blame me because you're a klutz!" he retorted half-seriously.

"And the fact that I was wearing a white t-shirt didn't have _anything _to do with it?" she supposed.

He smirked, conceding the point. "The cleavage drew me like a magnet."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh brother!" Then she looked at her hand in the dim lighting and saw his surprise from Seattle glittering back at her. "I shouldn't have let you bull me into this. Still, someone's got to keep you straight."

"Who's keeping who straight, Cuddy?" he countered before they embraced and kissed in the moonlight. "I finally found someone I can put up with."

She shook her head as they sat on the couch, enjoying the fire blazing away in the fireplace. Granted, they had experienced a brief storm over the issue of respect. Once that had been dealt with, it had been smoother sailing indeed for all concerned….

THE END


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